My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
