you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
