I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it glows. i had to have it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize