You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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