yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
