You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
