i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
