That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
