He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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