actually, I'm a sock model
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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