The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
