What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
