Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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