It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
