she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
