Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dignity is for republicans.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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