ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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