Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
