hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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