You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
