so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
