A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
