If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
