Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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