my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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