Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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