The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
