You really coming over, don't trick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
