Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
