Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
