Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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