Im at strip club and am horny
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
