i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
