literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Please don't give away my fajitas
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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