Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
