Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
