Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
