Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
