Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
