And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
