dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
