I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
