we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
