is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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