she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PANTIES FOUND
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