You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
