I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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