My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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