She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
