When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
