We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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